Stephanie Headley
A father's story
My favorite childhood pic of Stephanie
This story starts with my leaving LA in January of 1989 after 9 years of exposure and endurance of Scientology. Stephanie and her brother, Marc, were attending Delphi LA and appeared to be close to graduation. (I had believed Delphi was fully accredited and all was supposedly good. NOT! Delphi is not accredited and never was.) Anyway, I moved back to the midwest and made a new life for myself. (I was never actually a Scientologist, although I had "played along to get along" for the 9 years in LA.) Soon I was informed that both Stephanie and Marc had been recruited to the Sea Org and they had both accepted. Again, I was mislead about the education status and was under the impression they had both received diplomas. That was not true. (I believe Stephanie eventually got her GED.) Over the next several years I saw the kids when I would make trips to LA and a few occassions when they came to visit me. Then the kids ended up at Gold/Int. Their own trips essentially stopped, although there were a few exceptions, and it was difficult to schedule visits when I would go to California. There were countless family events they missed, sometimes informing me they would not make it at the last minute. I should mention that both Stephanie and Marc got married in 1992. I attended both weddings, one month apart. Stephanie was only 17 years old, but I agreed to the marriage because it would only have caused upset to disagree. Marc's bride-to-be was also only 17. (They just celebrated their 15th anniversary last summer!) Stephanie's husband was Tom Pope and he seemed a nice enough fellow. He was several years older than her, but they appeared to make a great couple. More on that a bit later.
Stephanie and Tom did manage to make a very short visit at Christmas time in 1994. We made the rounds of all the relatives on my side of the family and her mother's side. (side note: I probably talk to and see more of my ex's family than she does!) That was the last visit by either Stephanie or Marc for many years. All subsequent personal contact was when I was in California on business or made a person trip to see them. On one of those trips I learned that Stephanie and Tom had gotten a divorce. This was quite some time after the fact and all I knew was that it was not pleasant. I later learned that the divorce was "forced" as Tom had gotten into some trouble while on the Freewinds. Also found out that Tom was remarried the day after the divorce from Stephanie was final! Scientology sure knows how to enhance the 2D, huh!!!???
Fast forward to 2004. I was involved in a little accident in which I broke my ankle in three places and had to have surgery and screws and a plate placed into my ankle. While in the hospital I had some trouble with my blood oxygen level and there were many tests done to try and figure out why. A spot was noticed on my upper right lung and further tests were done. It was decided a biopsy was required to determine the nature of the spot. They waited for me to somewhat recover from the ankle surgery. (I was able to walk, but was still shaky.) I ended up having the upper right lobe of my lung removed! They said it was cancer! Anyway, my recovery was slow and very painful. I was not doing very well and Stephanie was able to get approval to come visit. (Another side note: I had remarried and my wife was not very helpful during my recovery - she induced a lot of stress.) So Stephanie comes to visit and her presence greatly aided my peace of mind and helped me relax. I let her run some assists, even though I really didn't put much stock in them. Her presence was the key, not the assists. While Stephanie was here, my sister and niece from Omaha also visited and we all had a great time together. I should note here that Stephanie got beeped on her Nextel constantly during her visit. She was Dir Comm Gold and apparently they couldn't or wouldn't manage without her. I mention this because I was a team lead and subject expert for IBM, one of the largest companies in the world, and it was absolutely forbidden to bother anyone on vacation or leave. I was once called by mistake by a senior project manager while I was on vacation and he profusely apologized for weeks! But for the CoS, not even attending to a seriously ill family member is enough to leave you alone.
OK, now it's January 2005. I receive a call from Marc asking for assitance. He explains he had had enough and wanted to "get out of Dodge!" This next part I didn't know until many months later. He had been chased and ran off the road while leaving the base. Fortunately, a passing motorist had witnessed this and called the police. Marc told the police he was OK and everything was alright, but they didn't buy it. When pressed, he explained he was Sea Org and was just trying to visit his father. The police then decided on their own to escort Marc to safety. Marc was calling me from a U-Haul dealer in Hemet. He wanted to rent a truck to put his motorbike in and head to KC. (His bike was not running well, in part due to the running off the road.) It was determined rather quickly the cost was prohibitively high and other options were explored. A friend of my wife in Sherman Oaks agreed to let Marc store his bike in her garage and take Marc to LAX. So Marc rented a local truck to get to Sherman Oaks and was taken to LAX. I booked a flight for him and waited for his next call. Disaster strikes! The flight was cancelled due to equipment problems. The next available flight wasn't until the next morning. Marc got a hotel room voucher and was back at LAX early the next morning. Here is a really funny thing: He saw several people from the base while waiting for his filght and they either didn't recognize him or didn't know he had blown! LOL Anyway, he makes that flight and arrives in Kansas City that afternoon.
Now I start to get calls. Stephanie calls to see if I have heard from Marc. In keeping with Marc's wishes, I say I haven't heard from him, but I will let her know if I do hear from him. She calls me every day for the next week or so, sometimes with Marc's wife, Claire, on the line as well. Marc had not been able to tell Claire he was leaving for fear of a KR or worse. Now, unbeknownst to me, Marc had managed to contact Claire via cell phone and they had worked out her escape as well. Marc asked if I could pay for a bus ticket for Claire and I obliged. CoS attempted to intercept Claire in Las Vegas, but were unsuccessful. Claire arrived in KC a day later. I stopped receiving calls from Stephanie. I tried to call her, but was told they couldn't find her. BS! I eventually was told they didn't know who she was! BS! I finally stopped calling and hoped she would call me.
Marc and Claire got jobs, an apartment and started making a life for themselves. Marc ended up going back out to California on a project while Claire stayed in KC. I ended up moving to their apartment during a seperation from my wife. While Marc was in California, one of my ex-wife's (Stephanie's mother) brothers got married. Claire and I attended the wedding, as did Trudy, my ex-wife. The day after the wedding there was an informal get-together at the family homestead. I hadn't noticed Trudy anywhere around. The gathering was on the lawn in front of the house and I eventually went in the house to use the restroom. Upon leaving, Trudy approached me from the kitchen. She proceeded to tell me she couldn't talk to Claire (or Marc) because it would jeopardize a much larger goal! I told her as long as that was her position she shouldn't talk to me either because a mother shouldn't disconnect from her own children. Note she didn't tell me she couldn't talk to me. (I have never received any sort of disconnection notice from Stephanie, which is how I understand it is supposed to be done. A letter saying that they prefer not to communicate is supposed to be sent. I never got one.) However, I have only heard from Trudy once since and that was by mistake - she was trying to call her brother. After the encounter in the kitchen I went outside, collected Claire and left. In hindsight, I wish I had stayed and made Trudy stay away from the activities. Her family was none the less very upset with her for "whatever" she said to make us leave.
Shortly after the wedding Marc and Claire moved back to California and I attempted a reconciliation with my wife. Claire was pregnant and a baby boy came along in February, 2006. In July, 2006, my marriage had reached the end and I moved to California so I could be near Marc, Claire and the baby. Still no contact from Stephanie or Trudy. I did hear from Trudy's family she had remarried. Apparently some guy she hooked up with doing VM work in New Orleans after Katrina. She now lives in Cincinatti, OH and her last name is Hensley.
While in California, I learned Stephanie had been offloaded from the base, but no information on where she went. Hoping it might have just been to one of the LA orgs, I made regular trips into Hollywood and roamed around hoping for a chance meeting. No luck. Then in the latter part of 2007, Trudy's family again was able to provide some info. Trudy was heading to Toronto for Stephanie's wedding! Unfortunately, there were no details on the groom or any other contact information for Stephanie. Trudy has since quit communicating with the family member that provided the info.
In January, 2008, I moved back to KC, having had enough of California again. I can easily visit California, and in fact, will do just that in March to see the newest addition to the family - another baby boy!
It should be noted that Marc and Claire are doing VERY well! They have attended many family events and become part of the gang. In fact, it seems as though they are making up for lost time. All those years in the SO deprived them of so many of the things most people take for granted. Believe me, Marc and Claire have a huge appreciation for family and friends and have taken to the family environment like a fish to water.
With the success of the 2/10/08 protests and the coming events on 3/15 and the April Operation Reconnection, I was re-energized on my search for Stephanie. A reporter for the local Fox station approached a member of ESMB at the 2/10 protest in KC and asked if they knew of anyone that had experienced disconnection because of Scientology. I saw that posting and responded to the reporter. I am being interviewed on Monday, 3/10 and it is supposed to air on Tuesday 3/11. (actually aired on Friday, 3/14/08) The segment is planned as a prelude to the 3/15 protest. I consider this to be total WIN! I also started posting to more boards and have received a fantastic response for which I will be forever grateful.
I know that Stephanie never wanted anything like what has transpired. I know she would like to know her nephews. I know she would like to join in the family get-togethers. I know she wants to talk to me. Someone, somewhere that reads this also knows Stephanie. I pray they can talk to her and relay my hopes of speaking to her again. I'm easy to find. I'm in the book. I can be Googled or Yahooed. She knows my number, anyway. It never changed, even while I was in California. My cell number has alsways been the same since 1999.
Stephanie, please call! I miss you! I love you! I want you to have the best life possible!
The Bernster is the online persona of Bernie Headley
aka bchpop on AIM
Almost forgot this: Anyone who was around CCLA in the 80's and remembers a band called "The Catch", I was a founding member! Previous versions of the band were Beowulf and Presence.
A quick recap of all the players:
Stephanie = my daughter
Marc = my son
Claire = Marc's wife
Trudy = My ex-wife and mother of Marc and Stephanie
Tom Pope = Stephanie's ex-husband
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